ze ark

But if you give a little love, you can get a little love of your own.

Everyone's known about this year and about me this year. This was the year when more often than not I'd reply saying I'm not fine... This was the year when I hoped the Mayan's were right... This was the year when my first post was an apology that I lost my last post. This was the year when the last New Years seems like 365 days away and this was a leap year! This was the year when I prayed for karma to be true.

And now this year is over. I thought I'd be so glad it's all finished and done with, not that I'm not but what I am happier about is that all those days when I'd hear repeatedly, 'Whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger', well I was sure it was true but I also believed it probably made you harder and more scornful too I wasn't wrong. It was the difference between surviving and living. But down the line some gesture can change it all. It's not about what doesn't kill you and it's not about what you don't let affect you but it is what you let in.

I'm still trying to get my mind wrapped around this, but I know I've got it right this time! And it's beautiful. It's hope. And it's reality. But most of all, it's beautiful! And I can feel it flowing through my veins. It's about taking charge. Yes, not about letting things not effect you but about strictly dictating what does! And it's power and accomplishment and it's you in a whole new light! So much so that you can barely recognize yourself and that's only because you've now come out from hiding. You have realized yourself and the reflection you finally see in the mirror is your soul and it's deep! From here there's no turning back. Yes, the world ended on 21st December, 2012 at precisely 12:21 pm and the flow of the energies in the universe were reversed and I can feel it flowing through my veins. And it feels good!

Yeah if you give a little love, you can get a little love of your own.







love n luck

Ps. Thanks for bearing with me this year. Thanks for helping me through this year. Thanks for being there. Thanks for putting up with me. I know it would have been a really uphill task, I know it was effort and affection and I guarantee it was not in vain. And this I know for sure, I couldn't have done it without you! Embrace the New Year with open arms, you deserve it!






It is finished...
Now there's hope!
And after all, isn't life just borrowed time?

ze uproar

When the Nazis came for the communists, 
I remained silent; 
I was not a communist.  
When they locked up the social democrats, 
I remained silent; 
I was not a social democrat.  
When they came for the trade unionists, 
I did not speak out; 
I was not a trade unionist.  
When they came for the Jews, 
I remained silent; 
I wasn't a Jew.  
When they came for me,  
There was no one left to speak out.

-Martin Niemöller 

love n luck

ze x

It was a good trip. The best I've known! The best I could never imagine, the festival I could never light up!

I don't know if you'd call it a Christmas miracle, but it sure felt like one. This is not me, this has never been me yet I feel so at home it sure seems like I'm under my own skin. The decorations and the sweets and the caroling and the love... That is Christmas! Whatever they try to brainwash you, all that they ingrain in to your fragile thalamus that this is what Christmas is not about and that is what it is all about, well, it's not in the least bit about Christ, it never was. That, that was just a mere coincidence! In fact not even that, it was positioned there very thoughtfully. Christmas is about warmth, Christmas is about joy and Christmas is about togetherness. And that's what takes the illusions out of the happiness abound because it is now transformed in to a logical cascade and it fits in quite perfectly. Its all about priority. It's a lesson learned late but better than never.

It was a good Christmas! It was a great Christmas!

It's probably karma! :D



love n luck

ze girls

Adena Ehrynn
Fiery sovereignty

Kamayana Alexandera
Passion



love n luck

ze absolve

Don't cancel on me. Not now. Not after we've come so far!
Don't give up on me. Don't let me go. Stay a while. Please. We have a long way to go...

Many things we dreamed of. That we'd walk hand in hand.
Many things we thought of, and this doesn't seem to be going as planned.
It's not over as yet. This is not good bye.
We aren't done yet. I'm not letting you cry.

For all the things we dreamed of and all the plans we made.
Even if you're not in this, through this I'll wade.
I'll get us through I promise,
Hold on to us, hold on to this.
It's cold and it's stormy,
It's white and it's snowy.
But let me through and you'll see,
I'm warm as can be.
But even so,
Don't give up on me,
Don't let me go.
Believe my child,
Believe my boy,
I loved you,
And I still...



love n luck

ze 12.12.12

It's the people you know best that you can hurt the most.

It's the people that we know best that we hurt the most.

I still haven't figured out a way to not hurt a lot of people I think shouldn't have to deal with me breaking their hearts because I need to go ahead and do what I think I should get through with right about now. It's my only concern. That's why I'm still around!



Love n luck

ze passion

What do you do when you get to the top, and guess what, there's nobody there?



I need passion. And fast!

Though the problem here is I don't really know how it died out in the first place. Probably faded away in to oblivion like a dull, vestigial ache that you barely feel and rarely catches your attention. Something like that poster you put up on your wall that in your minds eye seems more faded that the rest of the paint covering your wall.
It's been a long year. It's been hard days. It's been days when I thought I absolutely cannot make it through such a life and days I remembered so distinctly as painfully terrorizing that they all seem to be so many that now I can only recall the thought of them. That many days in a single year when I wondered if this doesn't kill me I really doubt I'll be any stronger!
And now I feel numb. Like it's all a blur. I feel empty. I feel nothing. I feel blank. I feel hollow. And I don't know what can fill the void. I feel broken. And I feel shattered and destroyed. This year has worn me out, this year has killed me! And it's not even the 21st yet...
So here's hoping that the pessimists got it right... Here's hoping that NASA got it right... Here's hoping that Mayan's weren't plotting to troll us... Here's hoping that this ends once and for all. 'Cause if it doesn't someone had better have some passion waiting for me, I'm going to need it!









love n luck

ze slipper

Colour me blue,
The tinkle on a shoe!
Had I stopped and stopped a while,
It might've been a blur...
It might have been a smile.
But would you know,
How deep it'd go,
To colour me white,
To freak on sight?



love n luck

ze to... ze to feel

To be high! Exhilarated! A mind with no boundaries, nothing holding you back! To explore, and in getting lost finding yourself! To be high... To want to do something over and over again just to experience the same rush you felt about it when you first tried it and you can identify with this sentence.
To flow in thought, and flow losing direction, merging paths, and spreading with deltas! To feel sublime! To feel numbingly alive, numbingly aware, numbingly awake! To want to dance! To want to lay back asleep, to want to dream, to know that when you get up you WILL be refreshed, you wont be tired.
Of all the maybes, the will be and could be... The clarity in the present is rejuvenating. It's momentary, but it's substantial. It's soothing and it's multidimensional on a single plane. It's reality.
This maybe trying to hard. It's what I want to say, but all I can think of is a doctor, a surgeon, a cardiac-thoracic surgeon holding a heart in his hand and knowing that he'll never give up his job in the face of all adversity because he's addicted! I don't know addiction. The closest I've come are emotions, because, relatively speaking, that's my stronghold. I know sad, I know melancholy, I know heart break, I know loneliness, and I know abandonment and pain. And when I'm not feeling one of these, most often than not I'd rather be feeling one of these because, these I know how to handle, I know how to deal. But just sometimes, I want to feel a thrill, a surge. I have felt peace, I have felt content, and yes just momentarily but substantial. But a gush of enveloping mind space, a material longing, a dependency, and no not on someone, I'm talking about on some thing, just to feel...
Listen to the lyrics of One More Night, Maroon 5!
I shall listen to the lyrics of One More Night, Maroon 5 with my Skull Candy headphones one day soon!
 I want to shine like a diamond! Sparkle and glitter and let the world around me, just for one night... Diamonds!



love n luck

ze se7en

Greed intoxicates. Lust burns.
And desire gets us every time.

Personification can sometimes completely change how we look at something. It might be obvious that our reactions to things would be different from our reactions to people but how drastic these differences might be are never really know till such decisions have to be made in the very light of their existence.

Reminiscing. Everyone seems to be. End of the year. End of life in the same places we used to be. Good byes are inevitable but they still stab us in the back every single time. And when they take us by surprise its never really a good one. And when you really want some one to leave you'll soon start to believe that they're never going to go.
There is sadness or resignation at a farewell. And the times that there is joy there is also doubt.
I'm in no mood to count. And my New Year's eve I have grown to like when coupled with House MD. This year I might have plans. But I'll miss House! But I don't miss everyone that goes. Though these days, it's the right people that never seem to stay!

And desire gets us every time!




love n luck

ps. My keyboard feels different. It has been a while!