make me beautiful...
a perfect soul
a perfect mind
a perfect face
a perfect lie!
love n luck
Thursday, June 11, 2009
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
ze symphony, part II substitute aka 'ze view'
Windows are the doors to your soul is it... well my windows don't reflect the outside world anymore, they shine my face back to me. Not the trees, the cars, the moon very rarely but occasionally or the stillness of the night. I miss that. I wonder what christmas will look like.
I used to adore sleeping on the couch in the hall looking through the window at whatsoever was visible. Also lving in Bombay it is a little difficult to live life simple. Well guess that just proves itself. Yes we have got anti-reflection coat6ing on our windows so that the heat of the sun doesn't screw us right over. Its amazing considering we have lived here since the start of the millennium and about a decade later even though no one has died of the heat ever since we have decided that we need anti-reflection coating on our windows. So now everytime I look at the window it either reminds me about how depressed im feeling or how undressed I looked. And usually I would not care a damn. But when things are shoved in your face every waking hour it tends to get a bit annoying. I hope at least it loses its effect when the light goes of. Everything stops shinning. The facade has to come off sometime. The mask has to fall to the floor. Will we ever be the same again? What we used to be a little while ago when we had everything all nicely and neatly planned and figured out, is it all lost, childhood memories? What will make us happy?
Ps. I dont sleep on the couch in the hall anymore. I've been shifted to the bedroom which for the record is a tiny bit bigger than my hostel room and has 1 bed extra comparatively.
Love n luck
(01.06.2009)
I used to adore sleeping on the couch in the hall looking through the window at whatsoever was visible. Also lving in Bombay it is a little difficult to live life simple. Well guess that just proves itself. Yes we have got anti-reflection coat6ing on our windows so that the heat of the sun doesn't screw us right over. Its amazing considering we have lived here since the start of the millennium and about a decade later even though no one has died of the heat ever since we have decided that we need anti-reflection coating on our windows. So now everytime I look at the window it either reminds me about how depressed im feeling or how undressed I looked. And usually I would not care a damn. But when things are shoved in your face every waking hour it tends to get a bit annoying. I hope at least it loses its effect when the light goes of. Everything stops shinning. The facade has to come off sometime. The mask has to fall to the floor. Will we ever be the same again? What we used to be a little while ago when we had everything all nicely and neatly planned and figured out, is it all lost, childhood memories? What will make us happy?
Ps. I dont sleep on the couch in the hall anymore. I've been shifted to the bedroom which for the record is a tiny bit bigger than my hostel room and has 1 bed extra comparatively.
Love n luck
(01.06.2009)
Monday, June 8, 2009
ze past
Almost each and every one of us has something in the past which frequently pops up out of nowhere, straight out of the blue. Something that haunts us. Something that once happened that caught our attention to such an extent that it makes sure we never forget it. Maybe a recurring dream, a nightmare that is, or a reminder every time we do something, or the flash backs every time we go somewhere. It maybe the unknown which gets to us even more as we don't know what we are dealing with. Or it maybe the stark memory we would like to not recall. Surprisingly, whatsoever it maybe, head on collision is the only thing known to undo it. The few other time that we come across head on collisions are then when nuclear atoms are bombarded with a neutron and large amounts of energy is obtained by the mass difference. And an other time is when, anti matter and matter collide and energy is absorbed leaving a vacuum. Then again elastic or not or perfectly.
Besides straight confrontation, there are also the various therapy processes that help you heal yourself. Spiritual, hypnotic or prescription therapeutic. But then again, there are dreams, reality. Virtual and illusionary. And there is the past, present and future. And there is life, ever moving, never stagnant or stationary.
Time wont let you down.
Love n luck
(02.06.2009)
Besides straight confrontation, there are also the various therapy processes that help you heal yourself. Spiritual, hypnotic or prescription therapeutic. But then again, there are dreams, reality. Virtual and illusionary. And there is the past, present and future. And there is life, ever moving, never stagnant or stationary.
Time wont let you down.
Love n luck
(02.06.2009)
ze ambition and getting over it
Is it just high school when we are all idealists, all innate high aspirations? People we want to be. Places we want to go. Changes we are certain we will definitely ensure happen. It is that time when there are things we stand up for and others we protest about. Even if they are small incidents in school, we are vocal about it. Even if just amongst ourselves, we have an opinion. And then what happens? When do we start becoming indifferent?
As we grow up, we let go of most things as mere childhood dreams and insanity. A play world where we could conjure castles from sand-pits and believe that storks gifted babies from above. Yes we were a little insane then but what about when we learned of abortion, euthanasia, human trafficking, global warming and had things to say about it. We all tried our small ways. Not burning crackers, separating garbage, to do what we thought could change the world. So when did we finally decide that it was all a fable? When did we lose hope?
When we graduate we are still inspiration ridden. We have seen more people succeed than not. Everything through college seemed to prepare us for the world but when we finally enter it, the hidden images no one ever talked about. The lack of integrity, dignity, and humanity. The rat race was always familiar but its extent is now thrust upon us with an unbearable force and the only difference is how long it takes you to give in to the yolk. It is just about the time when you begin to bow your head. Allow the sea to engulf you. Allow the boat to capsize. It is when you give in. You lose yourself. You lose who you are. When we finally let go of our overactive, wide with wonder and imagination and belief that everything works out well and we will all be rich someday and become impending zombies, all for the lack of a dream or someone to be... Will I lose myself somewhere?
Your heart matters, it's what got me here.
Love n luck
(01.06.2009)
As we grow up, we let go of most things as mere childhood dreams and insanity. A play world where we could conjure castles from sand-pits and believe that storks gifted babies from above. Yes we were a little insane then but what about when we learned of abortion, euthanasia, human trafficking, global warming and had things to say about it. We all tried our small ways. Not burning crackers, separating garbage, to do what we thought could change the world. So when did we finally decide that it was all a fable? When did we lose hope?
When we graduate we are still inspiration ridden. We have seen more people succeed than not. Everything through college seemed to prepare us for the world but when we finally enter it, the hidden images no one ever talked about. The lack of integrity, dignity, and humanity. The rat race was always familiar but its extent is now thrust upon us with an unbearable force and the only difference is how long it takes you to give in to the yolk. It is just about the time when you begin to bow your head. Allow the sea to engulf you. Allow the boat to capsize. It is when you give in. You lose yourself. You lose who you are. When we finally let go of our overactive, wide with wonder and imagination and belief that everything works out well and we will all be rich someday and become impending zombies, all for the lack of a dream or someone to be... Will I lose myself somewhere?
Your heart matters, it's what got me here.
Love n luck
(01.06.2009)
Sunday, June 7, 2009
ze mistake
Body Integrity Identity Disorder (BIID), also known as Amputee Identity Disorder, refers to a mental disorder implying a psychological feeling that one would be happier living life as an amputee and is usually, if not always, accompanied by the desire to amputate one or more healthy limbs in order to enact that desire.
Surgeons do not treat BIID patients by giving them what they want. Some act out their desires, pretending they are amputees using prostheses and other tools to ease their desire to be one. Some sufferers resort to self-amputation of a "superfluous" limb, by allowing a train to run over it, or by damaging the limb so badly that surgeons have to amputate it. However, there are few if any cases of actual self amputation of a lower limb recorded. Often the obsession is with one specific limb, and with patients "not feeling complete while they still have that limb". However, BIID does not simply involve amputation. It involves any wish to significantly alter body integrity. Some people suffer from the desire to become paralyzed, blind, deaf, use orthopedic appliances such as leg-braces, etc. Some people spend time pretending they are an amputee by using crutches and wheelchairs at home or in public.
How often does the lack of something make us feel whole? I'm remembering, vaguely if even, a recent quiz on facebook. Yeah I agree they are all more jobless than the other, but whatsoever, this one was on how much you're worth. One of the questions were: 'Would you cut off you're limbs for a million bucks?'. Well I would never be able to dream of life without a finger let alone an entire appendage so a million bucks and I guess even all the riches of the world would never make me do such a thing. Yes, I'm not that shallow after all, who would have thought?
But here, here people are willing to give all the riches in the world to remove a limb. They think it was a mistake. God blessed or cursed them with it unknowingly when they were supposed to not have it. It slipped the creator's mind! Mentally ill they call it. Or maybe just a way out of the box imagination. From when did we decide what is and isn't normal. I guess we have been doing it for a while now, homosexual or bisexual tendencies, superiority of the races, mental stability and intelligence levels, literature interpretations and this is just part of it. Maybe Shakespeare said what he meant and meant what he said. Maybe there is no read between the lines. Maybe we came up with the whole idea just to make it seem more complex and so we would have something to look up to. A legend for all of time. Maybe it's just a very simple truth after all. Just that and nothing else. But now we'll never know will we?
When I was a bit younger I always found it weird when people said that they were sorry when they went to pay their condolences and sympathize with the relatives of the deceased. It always seemed like it wasn't their fault, but why would a sorry help? Yeah true we occasionally apologize for things we haven't dome just to make someone else feel better but even this logic didn't seem to fit the bill.
Do you sympathize with someone who's limb has died? Or is it some form of euthanasia? Or is it out right cold blooded murder? What do you do when it's all over and you realize it's not what you want but then it's a little too late?
Sometimes people's passing away sets you free if they were oppressive of some sort or always the type to keep putting you down that when they finally die you find it a reason to celebrate. So then again, now do you sympathize or rejoice? Mourn or party? And what is the new fashion of appreciating people not alive these days anymore as a means to a more liberal lifestyle?
Love n luck(06.06.2009)
Inspired by ''Nip/Tuck, Season 03, Episode 07 'Ben White' and a little help from Episode 12 'Sal Perri''
Surgeons do not treat BIID patients by giving them what they want. Some act out their desires, pretending they are amputees using prostheses and other tools to ease their desire to be one. Some sufferers resort to self-amputation of a "superfluous" limb, by allowing a train to run over it, or by damaging the limb so badly that surgeons have to amputate it. However, there are few if any cases of actual self amputation of a lower limb recorded. Often the obsession is with one specific limb, and with patients "not feeling complete while they still have that limb". However, BIID does not simply involve amputation. It involves any wish to significantly alter body integrity. Some people suffer from the desire to become paralyzed, blind, deaf, use orthopedic appliances such as leg-braces, etc. Some people spend time pretending they are an amputee by using crutches and wheelchairs at home or in public.
How often does the lack of something make us feel whole? I'm remembering, vaguely if even, a recent quiz on facebook. Yeah I agree they are all more jobless than the other, but whatsoever, this one was on how much you're worth. One of the questions were: 'Would you cut off you're limbs for a million bucks?'. Well I would never be able to dream of life without a finger let alone an entire appendage so a million bucks and I guess even all the riches of the world would never make me do such a thing. Yes, I'm not that shallow after all, who would have thought?
But here, here people are willing to give all the riches in the world to remove a limb. They think it was a mistake. God blessed or cursed them with it unknowingly when they were supposed to not have it. It slipped the creator's mind! Mentally ill they call it. Or maybe just a way out of the box imagination. From when did we decide what is and isn't normal. I guess we have been doing it for a while now, homosexual or bisexual tendencies, superiority of the races, mental stability and intelligence levels, literature interpretations and this is just part of it. Maybe Shakespeare said what he meant and meant what he said. Maybe there is no read between the lines. Maybe we came up with the whole idea just to make it seem more complex and so we would have something to look up to. A legend for all of time. Maybe it's just a very simple truth after all. Just that and nothing else. But now we'll never know will we?
When I was a bit younger I always found it weird when people said that they were sorry when they went to pay their condolences and sympathize with the relatives of the deceased. It always seemed like it wasn't their fault, but why would a sorry help? Yeah true we occasionally apologize for things we haven't dome just to make someone else feel better but even this logic didn't seem to fit the bill.
Do you sympathize with someone who's limb has died? Or is it some form of euthanasia? Or is it out right cold blooded murder? What do you do when it's all over and you realize it's not what you want but then it's a little too late?
Sometimes people's passing away sets you free if they were oppressive of some sort or always the type to keep putting you down that when they finally die you find it a reason to celebrate. So then again, now do you sympathize or rejoice? Mourn or party? And what is the new fashion of appreciating people not alive these days anymore as a means to a more liberal lifestyle?
Love n luck(06.06.2009)
Inspired by ''Nip/Tuck, Season 03, Episode 07 'Ben White' and a little help from Episode 12 'Sal Perri''
Friday, June 5, 2009
ze chance or circumstance
*Chance or circumstance
Yes I really wonder how I managed to fit the two words together in a sentence. And they sound frickin’ amazing together too. Alliteration it is. Yeah just a ‘c’ but still. Yet chance OR circumstance when you say, doesn’t it seem like you are leaving room for nothing else? Isn’t everything in life finally summed up very accurately either by chance or circumstance. Whether you miss a train or manage to make it in the nick of time, I suppose is totally credited to chance, however the very fact that you have to take the train and do not have a chartered flight service at your beck and call, isn’t that circumstance. True that argument may be made that it is also ones personal choice, or the experience that one is looking forward too. Well that is chance and circumstance too. It is chance that you were born into circumstance which has caused you the prior experience that you now look forward too because of a sudden newly acquired freedom.
So when I say that Bombay or Manipal ultimately win over the other by chance or circumstance, and if chance and circumstance is all that there is to the world, yes, I agree through a very narrow minded futile attempt at trying to sum up the complex working of the universe in two words, I could have concluded the sentence at Manipal itself. But maybe there is a reason, an underlying motive to why I decided to stretch it for a few more words. And probably the reason is hope. Aspiration! The prospect of the galaxy being expounded in more than 2 words which have the same end 4 letters! That life and death and everything in the middle is not just a mere rut. The impetus to make you reach for more. The stimulus to drive you further. The impulse.
Could I be the push that makes you move?
-This is not the aforementioned continuation.
Love n luck
(31.05.2009)
Yes I really wonder how I managed to fit the two words together in a sentence. And they sound frickin’ amazing together too. Alliteration it is. Yeah just a ‘c’ but still. Yet chance OR circumstance when you say, doesn’t it seem like you are leaving room for nothing else? Isn’t everything in life finally summed up very accurately either by chance or circumstance. Whether you miss a train or manage to make it in the nick of time, I suppose is totally credited to chance, however the very fact that you have to take the train and do not have a chartered flight service at your beck and call, isn’t that circumstance. True that argument may be made that it is also ones personal choice, or the experience that one is looking forward too. Well that is chance and circumstance too. It is chance that you were born into circumstance which has caused you the prior experience that you now look forward too because of a sudden newly acquired freedom.
So when I say that Bombay or Manipal ultimately win over the other by chance or circumstance, and if chance and circumstance is all that there is to the world, yes, I agree through a very narrow minded futile attempt at trying to sum up the complex working of the universe in two words, I could have concluded the sentence at Manipal itself. But maybe there is a reason, an underlying motive to why I decided to stretch it for a few more words. And probably the reason is hope. Aspiration! The prospect of the galaxy being expounded in more than 2 words which have the same end 4 letters! That life and death and everything in the middle is not just a mere rut. The impetus to make you reach for more. The stimulus to drive you further. The impulse.
Could I be the push that makes you move?
-This is not the aforementioned continuation.
Love n luck
(31.05.2009)
Thursday, June 4, 2009
ze zymphony
I would like to consider my life as a fraction of 2 places… me, my likes or the lack of them, my hobbies, even what I eat vary according to these 2 places. And these 2 very distinct groups are further sub-divided according to the amount of people that surround me. And this is solely defined by the mood or mental state I co-exist with as the bane of my subsistence. It’s actually a very clear picture as depicted by still running waters. The under-currents and occasional tempest is not taken into high consideration here at the moment. That we shall just leave for one of those weird aura disposition days. Here we shall just discuss the calm, unruffled train of thought.
Yes the 2 places are home, and college, the almost home away from home. I personally have neither one on top of the other on an ‘I – love – the – most…’ list. In fact they are very stalemate like if they ever choose to compete. One might just win over the other by chance or circumstance*. 2 lives. No just 1. 2 places. True. 2 people. Occasionally, though one parasitic of the other. 2 surroundings. Totally!
The question at the end of this is though, how different are the two from each other anyway? It’s occasionally amazing how both can co-exist from time to time for very brief but conspicuous intervals. For example, the internet, phone conversations, letters etc. Yet at the end of it, the bed you sleep in tells you where you are. Are you where you want to be?
-To be contd.
Love n luck
(31.05.2009)
Inspired by ‘Like The Flowing River, Paulo Coelho’
*explained in next post
Yes the 2 places are home, and college, the almost home away from home. I personally have neither one on top of the other on an ‘I – love – the – most…’ list. In fact they are very stalemate like if they ever choose to compete. One might just win over the other by chance or circumstance*. 2 lives. No just 1. 2 places. True. 2 people. Occasionally, though one parasitic of the other. 2 surroundings. Totally!
The question at the end of this is though, how different are the two from each other anyway? It’s occasionally amazing how both can co-exist from time to time for very brief but conspicuous intervals. For example, the internet, phone conversations, letters etc. Yet at the end of it, the bed you sleep in tells you where you are. Are you where you want to be?
-To be contd.
Love n luck
(31.05.2009)
Inspired by ‘Like The Flowing River, Paulo Coelho’
*explained in next post
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