ze 123

i am letting mum and dad down like it's the easiest thing in the world... i have shortage of attendance in one subject and so i have to stay for two months here in the summer when they would prefer having me at home and i have to redo the entire subject all over again. and it costs like 7 grand!!!!!! i have been staying out a couple of times from the hostel which also i am not supposed to be doing really. mum and dad have pretty much been giving me everything i really need and i haven't been doing much to return the favor or even minutely appreciate it. i even missed final lab exam and i have no clue what i can or am supposed to do about it but its a very very very big issue, it is the finals after all... and to top it of, as much as i would like to not keep messing up over and over and over again i somehow seem to be getting really good at it. i have never failed so miserably at anything before, and i cant even seem to get remotely on track. this is not even bad, its beyond awful... i dont submit assignments at all sometimes and the ones i do give in are late... the entire point of me being here seems pretty lost if studying is not what i am doing. and i am doing nothing else either. probably just sleep and randomly aimlessly roaming about the place.. and the lab exam i didn't give.. i am amazing at that subject, or at least i think so. i don't know what to do. i don't think anyone does. i might randomly know what the right thing to do might be but i have no clue how to do it and i keep getting farther away from it than i could possibly get to it...

tell mum i love her ok?




love n luck

ze day before tomorrow

Hullo,

Its been a while.. Thank you for the prayers and thoughts... And when I say it's been a while, I barely even realized it's been 5 years, now that you mention it.. I think I remember the last birthday you spent with us and the farewell when you were quite upset to be leaving. But I presume, you don't think it's all that bad anymore and you probably actually like it there!
Well, I like it here too, but I don't exactly think I could say all is well with me. Been doing pretty horribly at college and barely even been going to class, and further, it doesn't seem to bother me so much, so then the situation is being taken even further lightly. No inspiration, motivation, determination, energy... At the moment, 4 years to study a course seems like its not worth completing in one sitting. Let's see how it goes and turn of events if any. Kind of a sad way to start a new year in a way but cant guarantee anything now can we so my birthday wish shall be one which cannot fail - I'll hope something works out, it always does, just how long it takes to get there is the question.


Love n luck