ze uncanny laughter - I

I never asked for this
But I knew it was coming.
Could have run a mile,
Yet always be running.
Glancing over my shoulder,
As each day got older,
Buying time by the minute,
Trying hard to find anything in it.

Staying still I keep moving,
Into depths unsheathing.
Wailing in the distances
And shadows drawing near.
I stand alone in the abyss,
With nothingness for company,
Loneliness entrenches.
My heart sinks lower and vanishes.

Then I hit a stone,
Running through an open gate.
Surrounded, entrapped,
I stumble on further, prostrate before my fate.
And I look around besides me,
The same shallow spaces engulf.
But there's a certain sense of peacefulness,
A narrow smile and sign of love.

Tired, yet rested,
I bow before thee now.
All this distance in vain,
I succumb, to this pain.




love n luck

ze story teller

So the story goes on down,
The less travelled road...
It's a variation on,
The one I was told.
And although it's not the same,
It's awful close....

In an ordinary fairy tale land,
There's a promise of a perfect happy end.
And I imagine having just short of that,
Is better than nothing...

So you'll be mine,
Forever and almost always...
And I'll be fine,
Just love me when you can...
And I'll wait patiently,
I'll wake up every day
Just hoping that you still care.

In the corner of my mind I know too well,
Oh that surely even I deserve the best...
But instead of leaving
I just put the issue to bed,
And outta my head...

Oh and just when I believe,
You've changed for good,
Well you go and prove me wrong,
Just like I knew you would...
When I run out of second chances,
You give me that look,
And you're off the hook!

Because you're mine,
Forever and almost always...
And I'm fine,
Just love me when you can...
And I'll wait patiently,
I'll wake up every day
Just hoping that you still care.

Oh, what am I still doing here?
Oh, it's all becoming so clear.

You'll be mine,
Forever and almost always...
It ain't right to just love me when you can...
Oh I won't wait patiently,
Or wake up everyday
Just hoping that you'll still care.

 

 

 

love n luck

 

Ps. Such coincidences!

ze animales

I just realized, we pride ourselves on being 'social' animals but in fact that is the saddest part of our lives. It is the actual barrier to anything we ever thought of. Recognition, self esteem, social acceptance, even our most sought after dreams and ambitions, all a curse because we are social. Everything, every single thing we ever have done and ever will do will be judged by at least one other person. And if what we do is in secret, we will judge ourselves for all those people who don't have the privilege of a VIP seat.

Which also explains why we suck at keeping secrets, why we like to appear smart and well liked with a lot of friends, or even find pleasure in being called a geek. Even the lone scientist in Antarctica researching footprints of penguins, the sceptics optimistic about crop circles, mermaids and aliens, and the strongly opinionated feminists, Marxists and Zoroastrians, all developed ideas so that somebody would love them!

And you thought you had your life under control...



love n luck

ze C

I was supposed to test for cancer a little less than a year ago... I am good at medical things. Usually. Like besides the fact when I was in denial about Vitamin D deficiency. Other than that, I am good with medical stuff. Which is why I refused to test for cancer. There was no reason to prove that it was true. And I couldn't bear having to take a test whose results would haunt me forever.

Now I am not sure if that was the smartest idea ever. Well, it isn't a stupid idea... But may not be the smartest. I am a little scared that I didn't do it when I should have, and that somewhere down the line it would require me to put my entire life into perspective.

The problem with perspective is that is the only time regret bites you in the ass. I usually do not regret much, or anything. I sort of strive to make sure that my decisions do not have particularly strong repercussions. Even now, I am not regretting this decision per se. The only thing I am scared of really is coincidence. If at all I do have any medical condition in the future that might probably be even vaguely linked to this, I am going to be so devastated that my whole putting life into perspective task is going to be so much more painful that I am afraid that I wouldn't be able to cope with it.

I am scared.







love n luck

ze full circle

What do you do when Coca-Cola cherry tastes exactly like Coke? You talk about how capitalism is the worst thing to happen to the world. The corporates are out to get us and scourge us for every single unforgiving penny. In the meantime, they destroy our trees and planet and create ever wider and growing economic disparities. They allow the scum of the society to gnaw on each other and force people into death and destruction. All for a Coke you ask? Well, I'm sure the answer would be that it's got to start somewhere... Though what do we do in the mean time? Make lists? Read lists? Discuss political agenda? Act like we are knowledgeably discussing political agenda...? I'm still pretending, aren't I?

I have had good raspberry soda. I have had not so good, why-have-I-been-missing-this-for-so-long raspberry soda as well. But I am very disappointed in my cherry soda. I am very disappointed with the vast amount of nonsense we take for granted. Especially after working so hard to get this far. Especially when you've given so much and it's trampled upon. Very disappointing. Yet, humanity lives to see another day, one if which if I was a dictator, I'd love to take away...





love n luck

ze nightsky mirage

Stood on a ledge,
Seemed like we were drowning...
Not too much to keep us alive.
And we looked out far into the distance,
Crowded with dark grey skies.
But with you there besides me,
Maybe,
Just maybe we'd survive.

And I look towards you to touch you,
Just to feel your pretty face...
But somehow it seems you're frozen,
In a past memory I can't erase...
And I need you now besides me,
Yes, I need you on my way...
I can't walk this road without you,
Don't make me change my way.

And all these words left empty,
The hope's all washed away...
You told me you were waiting,
For me to come back someday...
But that kiss was left unfinished,
And words were left unsaid...
So it keeps the memories afloat,
Of you in my head.

So talk to me once more,
Don't leave without a trace...
I want to hold you here forever,
It's so warm in your embrace.
This isn't over yet, oh no,
This isn't the time or place.
It took us so long to get here,
Don't leave before we've met.

Come back once more, bid adieu,
A flying kiss or two,
Maybe end what we started...
Even that won't get me through.
Don't leave me here hanging,
On my knees begging you.
We both know,
I'm never forgetting you.

Yes, you aren't coming,
I know you've gone too far now...
I wait and watch unending,
But it's over for us right here.
Somehow this feels blurry,
So is the picture of you...
Somehow this feels blurry,
Somehow I never lose you.




love n luck


Ps. Happy birthday, every year I wish I could just pick up the phone and call you. I wouldn't know what to say, which is why I never do but the next time we talk, I'd plan to meet you, and see you, and drink all night, and listen to good, good music! So often I wonder why I never really took you up on this offer before, it's such a shame! Like dayyuuummmmmn! :* :* :*  

ze humane Nazi

love n luck