ze C

I was supposed to test for cancer a little less than a year ago... I am good at medical things. Usually. Like besides the fact when I was in denial about Vitamin D deficiency. Other than that, I am good with medical stuff. Which is why I refused to test for cancer. There was no reason to prove that it was true. And I couldn't bear having to take a test whose results would haunt me forever.

Now I am not sure if that was the smartest idea ever. Well, it isn't a stupid idea... But may not be the smartest. I am a little scared that I didn't do it when I should have, and that somewhere down the line it would require me to put my entire life into perspective.

The problem with perspective is that is the only time regret bites you in the ass. I usually do not regret much, or anything. I sort of strive to make sure that my decisions do not have particularly strong repercussions. Even now, I am not regretting this decision per se. The only thing I am scared of really is coincidence. If at all I do have any medical condition in the future that might probably be even vaguely linked to this, I am going to be so devastated that my whole putting life into perspective task is going to be so much more painful that I am afraid that I wouldn't be able to cope with it.

I am scared.







love n luck

ze full circle

What do you do when Coca-Cola cherry tastes exactly like Coke? You talk about how capitalism is the worst thing to happen to the world. The corporates are out to get us and scourge us for every single unforgiving penny. In the meantime, they destroy our trees and planet and create ever wider and growing economic disparities. They allow the scum of the society to gnaw on each other and force people into death and destruction. All for a Coke you ask? Well, I'm sure the answer would be that it's got to start somewhere... Though what do we do in the mean time? Make lists? Read lists? Discuss political agenda? Act like we are knowledgeably discussing political agenda...? I'm still pretending, aren't I?

I have had good raspberry soda. I have had not so good, why-have-I-been-missing-this-for-so-long raspberry soda as well. But I am very disappointed in my cherry soda. I am very disappointed with the vast amount of nonsense we take for granted. Especially after working so hard to get this far. Especially when you've given so much and it's trampled upon. Very disappointing. Yet, humanity lives to see another day, one if which if I was a dictator, I'd love to take away...





love n luck

ze nightsky mirage

Stood on a ledge,
Seemed like we were drowning...
Not too much to keep us alive.
And we looked out far into the distance,
Crowded with dark grey skies.
But with you there besides me,
Maybe,
Just maybe we'd survive.

And I look towards you to touch you,
Just to feel your pretty face...
But somehow it seems you're frozen,
In a past memory I can't erase...
And I need you now besides me,
Yes, I need you on my way...
I can't walk this road without you,
Don't make me change my way.

And all these words left empty,
The hope's all washed away...
You told me you were waiting,
For me to come back someday...
But that kiss was left unfinished,
And words were left unsaid...
So it keeps the memories afloat,
Of you in my head.

So talk to me once more,
Don't leave without a trace...
I want to hold you here forever,
It's so warm in your embrace.
This isn't over yet, oh no,
This isn't the time or place.
It took us so long to get here,
Don't leave before we've met.

Come back once more, bid adieu,
A flying kiss or two,
Maybe end what we started...
Even that won't get me through.
Don't leave me here hanging,
On my knees begging you.
We both know,
I'm never forgetting you.

Yes, you aren't coming,
I know you've gone too far now...
I wait and watch unending,
But it's over for us right here.
Somehow this feels blurry,
So is the picture of you...
Somehow this feels blurry,
Somehow I never lose you.




love n luck


Ps. Happy birthday, every year I wish I could just pick up the phone and call you. I wouldn't know what to say, which is why I never do but the next time we talk, I'd plan to meet you, and see you, and drink all night, and listen to good, good music! So often I wonder why I never really took you up on this offer before, it's such a shame! Like dayyuuummmmmn! :* :* :*  

ze humane Nazi

love n luck

ze twenty 2

Maybe not anymore actually. Time zones seem to affect a lot more of what I do these days. So twenty two in some places and twenty three in others. I very clearly remember my last birthday, and I don't think I will forget that one at least even if I forget any others. Fond, fond memories :P

Nonetheless, I am looking forward to seeing how tomorrow pans out. I feel so relaxed, its a nice leisurely feeling. Also, I am much more comfortable with people singing for me the day before ;)




love n luck

ze whirlwind

Would it actually be too much to ask if we could have just a little bit of time to spend with each other under controlled circumstances? Where we could be where we wanted to, and what we did had no consequences, and what we had had no effects on what we could be doing, and the likes. Just for a little bit. Uninterrupted, free from disturbance. As a token of affection for all the times we have spent together and trying to pick ourselves up and put broken pieces in place. Somehow, its just the worst times that we are able to see each other's face.

And I would not have any other was when it comes to this, cause I really count on you to see me through. But I think it's quite blue, that that's the only time you see me too. So I would wish it would be much better for you, you know I really do. You just never get to see the me I would like to be.





Love n luck

ze introspection

About my last post... I'm thinking I just discovered something truly remarkable. It is the explanation for why people love watching sunsets, slow down when they know they have just that long to live... It's amazing! And to think that we as a race of people, all we are really trying to do is to get things to work faster, be able to get to places sooner and feel immortal.

When you think of it, time is just a thought. Many may argue otherwise but while we don't get subjective about it, the fourth dimension is quite virtual to say the least! Thus, if maybe you decide to judge it from an outsider's perspective, I think it all falls in to place quite easily. And maybe, just maybe, we could have truly discovered what makes us happy. The only question is, do we really have the luxury to enjoy it fully?




love n luck