ze receptors

When I was a lot younger, I'd practice holding my breath and lying very still. I'd make sure I'd try my best to ensure that my eyes didn't flutter and that my chest didn't rise and fall. Perfectly still. I did this because of two reasons: In case I was ever attacked by a wild animal I could fake being dead and if I ever became an actress I presumed it would be a required skill for all the dead scenes I'd have to play in movies.

It's crazy how somethings come back to you all of a sudden after decades like as though it was just yesterday. And moreover its all pristine clear and graphic. But I never seem to remember happy moments as such, or embarrassing ones, it's just the normal ones and the sad ones! And I'm sure those are the ones that make me me!  Those are the ones that form the key synapses. And in a way, I could be a completely different person if I just shifted those by a little, rearranged them a bit but then how can we define the character of a person if it's all electrical circuits and chemistry?

I strongly believe in 'dependence of thought'. That all our actions are governed by our brain. But then why do I judge people? Why can I not accept decisions and not hold their drawbacks against them? True, dependence of thought on my part too but then the question arises - Can we really hope for a better society? Can we mold temperaments and improve belief systems? Can we play a role in overcoming ignorance? Or is our last resort Prozac and Zoloft and Marlboro and THC and LSD?




love n luck

ze nouveau

So maybe I have a resolution after all. And it may be a little late for this one because it's actually stuff you ought to learn in school but I just realized that I pretty much spent the whole of my last year bent up on this concept. I need to stop fighting. I need to quit rebelling against good things happening to me and I need to simply except them. They are good things happening to me after all, how hard can they be!
I need to stop the idea of myself not living up to me. It's not like I have standards but I do have a distinct way of going about a thing or two and most often than not I can't compromise. It's a good thing when it comes to dealing with other people, but since it's most often than not just me, it's about time I got over it.
I need to quit arguing with my thoughts. The whole idea of acceptance once again!
Basically, the concept is to stop selling myself short. It's to have more confidence in what I'm worth. It's to not give a dam about anti-social elements!
It's to love my life and not fight against every extra day I have to live.... May be, it's an incentive to stick through the war even though we may have just lost the battle!




love n luck

ze ark

But if you give a little love, you can get a little love of your own.

Everyone's known about this year and about me this year. This was the year when more often than not I'd reply saying I'm not fine... This was the year when I hoped the Mayan's were right... This was the year when my first post was an apology that I lost my last post. This was the year when the last New Years seems like 365 days away and this was a leap year! This was the year when I prayed for karma to be true.

And now this year is over. I thought I'd be so glad it's all finished and done with, not that I'm not but what I am happier about is that all those days when I'd hear repeatedly, 'Whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger', well I was sure it was true but I also believed it probably made you harder and more scornful too I wasn't wrong. It was the difference between surviving and living. But down the line some gesture can change it all. It's not about what doesn't kill you and it's not about what you don't let affect you but it is what you let in.

I'm still trying to get my mind wrapped around this, but I know I've got it right this time! And it's beautiful. It's hope. And it's reality. But most of all, it's beautiful! And I can feel it flowing through my veins. It's about taking charge. Yes, not about letting things not effect you but about strictly dictating what does! And it's power and accomplishment and it's you in a whole new light! So much so that you can barely recognize yourself and that's only because you've now come out from hiding. You have realized yourself and the reflection you finally see in the mirror is your soul and it's deep! From here there's no turning back. Yes, the world ended on 21st December, 2012 at precisely 12:21 pm and the flow of the energies in the universe were reversed and I can feel it flowing through my veins. And it feels good!

Yeah if you give a little love, you can get a little love of your own.







love n luck

Ps. Thanks for bearing with me this year. Thanks for helping me through this year. Thanks for being there. Thanks for putting up with me. I know it would have been a really uphill task, I know it was effort and affection and I guarantee it was not in vain. And this I know for sure, I couldn't have done it without you! Embrace the New Year with open arms, you deserve it!






It is finished...
Now there's hope!
And after all, isn't life just borrowed time?

ze uproar

When the Nazis came for the communists, 
I remained silent; 
I was not a communist.  
When they locked up the social democrats, 
I remained silent; 
I was not a social democrat.  
When they came for the trade unionists, 
I did not speak out; 
I was not a trade unionist.  
When they came for the Jews, 
I remained silent; 
I wasn't a Jew.  
When they came for me,  
There was no one left to speak out.

-Martin Niemöller 

love n luck

ze x

It was a good trip. The best I've known! The best I could never imagine, the festival I could never light up!

I don't know if you'd call it a Christmas miracle, but it sure felt like one. This is not me, this has never been me yet I feel so at home it sure seems like I'm under my own skin. The decorations and the sweets and the caroling and the love... That is Christmas! Whatever they try to brainwash you, all that they ingrain in to your fragile thalamus that this is what Christmas is not about and that is what it is all about, well, it's not in the least bit about Christ, it never was. That, that was just a mere coincidence! In fact not even that, it was positioned there very thoughtfully. Christmas is about warmth, Christmas is about joy and Christmas is about togetherness. And that's what takes the illusions out of the happiness abound because it is now transformed in to a logical cascade and it fits in quite perfectly. Its all about priority. It's a lesson learned late but better than never.

It was a good Christmas! It was a great Christmas!

It's probably karma! :D



love n luck

ze girls

Adena Ehrynn
Fiery sovereignty

Kamayana Alexandera
Passion



love n luck

ze absolve

Don't cancel on me. Not now. Not after we've come so far!
Don't give up on me. Don't let me go. Stay a while. Please. We have a long way to go...

Many things we dreamed of. That we'd walk hand in hand.
Many things we thought of, and this doesn't seem to be going as planned.
It's not over as yet. This is not good bye.
We aren't done yet. I'm not letting you cry.

For all the things we dreamed of and all the plans we made.
Even if you're not in this, through this I'll wade.
I'll get us through I promise,
Hold on to us, hold on to this.
It's cold and it's stormy,
It's white and it's snowy.
But let me through and you'll see,
I'm warm as can be.
But even so,
Don't give up on me,
Don't let me go.
Believe my child,
Believe my boy,
I loved you,
And I still...



love n luck